A History of Wanting My Money Back

This post is a little off-topic considering this is a science blog. However, seeing as the Oscars are tomorrow, I thought I would dust off a critique (actually, a warning) I wrote to friends and family after seeing the film "A History of Violence". Since it's up for 'Best Screenplay' (which I can understand, because it must be better when read) and is on every critic's 2005 top ten list, I wanted to let anyone who may want to go rent it know what they are in for.

Enjoy, and remember - THIS MOVIE IS BAD:

Just wanted to write a quick note and let you all know that we saw "A History of Violence" last night and it's one of the worst movies I have ever seen. As some of you may know, I enjoy bad movies a great deal. However, this is less a movie and more a train wreck caught on film. The only difference is that train wrecks don't leave you feeling cheated and empty inside.

Please don't let this intrigue you as to why the movie is so bad, that is not my intention. This movie must be allowed to die quickly before it steals anyone else's money. If they had done it properly, it could have been a decent movie-but it doesn't even come close. I really tried to give it every chance to pull out some kind of justification for its existence but it failed at every turn.

To summarize:

Beginning was slow, couldn't really tell how bad it was going to suck.

Middle: Ranged from dull to confusing to incredibly graphically violent (even this didn't help it) to odd to confusing to pointless. It also contains two of the most uncomfortable sex scenes that I have ever witnessed.

End: Was there an ending? I don't remember it ending, I just remember crap and then credits.

Again, please do not let this intrigue you. This is a movie that no one could possibly enjoy. I can't overstate this. Me, Deanna and her Dad all have different tastes in movies and we all agreed that it was horrible.

I beg you, for your own well-being, do not see this "movie".

Thank you for your time.

There you have it. As true as when it was written. I should point out that Ed Harris was very good because Ed Harris is always very good. It was like watching Olivier acting with several piles of steaming dog $#!+.

So, remember tomorrow when "A History of Violence" wins the Oscar (and it WILL win, I guarantee you) sometimes bad films slip throught the cracks. They can't all be gay cowboy movies.